The difference and similarities between family generations

Letter #12

From left to right, George Kuegler, Great Grandfather Kuegler, Grandfather Kuegler

Hello Tom,

Your great grandfather Kuegler had the same spirit you had. Any man that leaves his country, family and friends to start a whole new life is a man that has an adventurous spirit. And especially a courageous spirit!

Great Grandfather Kuegler’s courage was never on display as much as when he walked off the German ship he worked on with 3 layers of clothes in the dead of winter at a port in Baltimore to make America his home. Through the years of his ship porting in the Baltimore harbor he made friends with some people in the German community, and I think this gave him the courage to leave it all behind. He did become an American citizen, and I can tell you he loved this country with a fervent passion.

Your great grandfather loved to sing and was a champion ball room dancer. Your great grandmother and him won a waltzing contest. He also played the mandolin. When you see a person pull out that instrument and begin to play “Somewhere my Love” the theme from the movie “Dr. Zhivago” it truly gave you goosebumps! It was really cool having a grandparent from the old country. Seeing some of the culture he brought with him and the different viewpoints on some things made for a different environment when you were with him. He was very precise and had a thirst for knowledge. If you were going to talk to him about a topic you better know what it is you’re talking about. And yes, that famous German stubbornness was on display many times!

He was lead chef at the famous manufacturing plant “Crown, Cork and Seal.” They made the seals for bottled products. He had to get up at 4am for years because of that. My dad always told me how hard he worked. It wasn’t an easy life as far as the work was concerned but my grandfather was a jovial person and that affected all who came into contact with him. He was an extrovert for sure. He came here and made a whole new life for himself and learned a new language.

Does this sound familiar?

History truly does repeat itself!

There’s another very interesting story about your great grandfather Kuegler I’ve never told you. Before my dad was born, he went to Germany in 1934 to visit his family. While they were there, they went to the town square in his hometown of Weissenfels. Well, some brown shirt (a nazi party member that was kind of like the muscle to intimidate their political foes) made a pass at my grandmother and the incident almost led to blows. It’s really a miracle that he wasn’t beat up bad or even killed. Pretty mind blowing to think that the fate of 4 generations depended on what transpired there.

My dad was born in 1937 right as WW2 was beginning to crank up. As you know my dad’s first name was Adolph. He was named after an uncle. This had really bad ramifications for dad’s life. It wounded him in ways I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand.

Think about it.

He had German immigrant parents during WW2 with the name of Adolph. He did share with me from time to time that the abuse he suffered from his peers was horrible. Many kids would say “hotzi, totzi, here comes the little Nazi” every time they saw dad. He grew up very ashamed and wouldn’t walk anywhere near his parents when they would go places. It took a long time for him to get over that and for a while it caused a wedge with his father.

Growing up in the Highlandtown area of Baltimore City also had its own unique impact on dad. Immigrants from all over the world lived there, it truly was a melting pot. In that area football was the passion of most of the young men as this area was as blue collar as it could get. But there was an interesting caveat to this. Most European immigrants didn’t see football as a true sport and thought the sport was violent and dangerous. My grandfather didn’t see it that way, but grandmother did. This was going to have a huge impact on my dad’s life. Dad played for Patterson High school. In those days they were the best team in the city. Dad was selected to the all Maryland team and was heavily recruited by many colleges at the D1 level. He was recruited by Kansas State, Wake Forest and Maryland. He was very close to going but my grandmothers worrisome attitude coupled with my dad’s fear of leaving my mother caused him to stay. He often told me that if his brother would’ve been around, he probably would’ve been convinced to go. That poses another mind-bending question. What would’ve happened if my dad went to college and pursued the opportunity at his fingertips? If I was his friend, I certainly would’ve encouraged him to go. Which leads to the inevitable question, does he stay with my mother? There are other elements to the story with pressures placed on dad that I’m sure influenced him to stay. But the bottom line is when it came time to pull the trigger dad preferred to stay. And as much as I want to, I’m going to try hard not to judge him. This was his journey in the context of his life at the time. No one can judge how someone feels and what they’re going through. It’s really in some ways a little arrogant to do that. The most obvious thought that comes to mind is would I even be here if he takes a different path? I’m literally shaking my head at the possibility of a different result.

So where did he go from there? He pursues an apprenticeship as a machinist and goes to work at Bethlehem Steel at the time a nationally famous steel manufacturer. Not too many people know that they produced the steel for the Golden Gate Bridge. A bridge that you traveled over many times! The wealth that plant created for the Baltimore economy was astounding and your grandfather was a part of it.

From there dad decided he wanted to get into vocational education. So, while he’s working full time, he goes to night school to acquire his master’s degree so he can teach. You have to admire the hard work and commitment to better his life for our family and to pursue a dream he had. I remember very clearly him leaving after work to go to night school. There was a sacrifice to the time he missed with the family, but it didn’t seem to last long and even as a child to some degree I realized that this was necessary.

Let me tell you an interesting story about one of the courses he took. He had a Jewish professor that didn’t take kindly to my dad’s name. When he saw my dad’s name the first night of class he said, “your name is Adolph?” What followed was a lot of mistreatment that culminated in dad getting a lower grade than he earned. Dad had all the records to prove he deserved the higher grade.

This is where the story really gets good! My mother worked at Johns Hopkins, and she had a Jewish supervisor. When she told her supervisor what happened to dad her supervisor said, “Oh no he didn’t!” and called the college and spoke to the Dean who she knew personally. Needless to say, the rightful grade was restored, and an apology was given.

From there dad went on to graduate and pursued his dream of teaching. Dad wanted to teach in urban areas to have an impact on people with lesser opportunities. He did that for over 30 years. I’ve met quite a few of his students through the years and they really loved dad. It’s really a heartwarming thing. There’s much to be proud of in our family Tom. There really is.

What kind of father was he? Now it’s time to get emotional.

Dad knew how to get into a child’s world. He would tell stories to Aunt Susan and me. He was really quite good at it. From an early age he instilled in me a love of history. We would make model WW2 airplanes together for hours. Then came a shared love of sports and although my passion wasn’t football, he would spend hours practicing baseball with me in the backyard and over at Herring Run Park throwing batting practice to me in the summer heat. He played in the pool with us after a hard day’s work. We were a priority.

And don’t get me started about Christmas time! Dad made me a beautiful Christmas Garden that I absolutely went crazy over. I would stay down there for hours and play with it. My excitement made him excited, and he ended up making the garden the envy of the neighborhood. He really put a lot of love and time into whatever he did.

Which leads to the question….

What similarities are there between the 4 generations?

Our work ethic! No doubt you get this from your mother’s side of the family too. Both sides were all in when it came time to work and work hard. But I’d have to say the work ethic was outstanding. We all like to laugh. My dad had a dry sense of humor that made me laugh harder than anyone in my life. My grandfather as well. Humor was definitely a big part of our family’s history.

The example of playing with your children and spending time with them was directly handed down from your great grandfather. He really enjoyed his grandchildren too. When your great grandfather saw Rachel, his first great grandchild, it was truly love at first sight. Sadly, he died before you were born.

Your Great Grandfather had that special high gear quality that many don’t have when it comes to risk taking. You have that too. Writing this letter to you really opened my eyes to how similar you are to my grandfather.

This was a good letter for me to write. I think I want to continue this theme in the next letter because I never got into how all this impacted me. That’s one of the results of these letters between you and me. The contemplation at looking at the past and how it affects generations after really makes you see life in a different way. It also has the result to have more compassion and understanding of the people that went before you.

It also may lead to further questions you have about my dad and mom and the dysfunction in our family. I’ll get into that in the next letter. People are complicated. We have to look at the big picture. It’s seldom as black and white as we want to make it and we must always remember to look at the context of what made them who they were.

After all, they were trying to get through life like everyone else.

All in all, there’s a lot to be proud of. Family is a precious thing.

Love you son