I love what you guys are doing, and these two letters #s 5&6, I find especially powerful. Dad, your raw honesty about your family trauma, and how hard you’ve worked at extricating yourself from its grips is enough to inspire hope for this world. I very much agree with Thomas (and Bessel Van Der Kolk) that our society, our world, is deeply entrenched in generational trauma, which compounds--often like compound interest --as time goes on, and has a tremendously negative effect on outcomes from interpersonal to international relationships. But In this conversation you are having it’s clear that those histories of trauma do not have to be an unbreakable mold. Thomas did not have to live through what you and your mother and all of her family members (for who knows how many generations back) did. It’s a great gift to see the hope and possibilities in that!
Thanks for sharing. It is not easy to write about our famalies, chiefly because we know our situation is not good and healthy, but when we are young children we view our upbringing as exceptional. This brings up issues of shame, not fitting in, etc.
Yet, healing begins with an honest appraisal of the situation; you have done that. I have done so, as well, starting in my early 20s and continuing on. I am 66, so I am a little older than you. What "saved" me when young was books, later literature, writing and then therapy. Lots of it. Just talking. And a few good friends.
You mention "The Living Years" by Mike & the Mechanics. I remember hearing it for the first time, back in early 1989, I think. I was driving, the song came on the radio. I had to pull over and park. My dad had died in 1980, from cancer. I sat there and tears came streaming down my face.
Yeah, that is one powerful and personal song. Another is by Luba, "Everytime I See Your Pictute" (1984).
really powerful what you two are sharing here. My pops passed away in May after a long battle with Alzheimers. Last 5 years actually were the best times we ever shared thanks to the disease. That sounds weird to say, but it really chilled him out a lot. Seeing your letters touches my heart and I look forward to being a part of your family in this digitally connected way. Peace
I am finally getting a chance to read all of these letters and I feel blessed to do so. Thank you both for your honesty and willingness to share your stories with all of us. There is plenty of trauma in my family of origin, and I see it carrying on into the next generation with some of the children and grandchildren. I am moved especially by this quote "We have to be strong enough to realize how weak we are, once we accept that we become strong enough to begin standing on our own confident in who we are." Very wise words!! And indeed, much work to be done for many of us, myself included. Thank you, I am enjoying and learning much!
I love what you guys are doing, and these two letters #s 5&6, I find especially powerful. Dad, your raw honesty about your family trauma, and how hard you’ve worked at extricating yourself from its grips is enough to inspire hope for this world. I very much agree with Thomas (and Bessel Van Der Kolk) that our society, our world, is deeply entrenched in generational trauma, which compounds--often like compound interest --as time goes on, and has a tremendously negative effect on outcomes from interpersonal to international relationships. But In this conversation you are having it’s clear that those histories of trauma do not have to be an unbreakable mold. Thomas did not have to live through what you and your mother and all of her family members (for who knows how many generations back) did. It’s a great gift to see the hope and possibilities in that!
Thanks for sharing. It is not easy to write about our famalies, chiefly because we know our situation is not good and healthy, but when we are young children we view our upbringing as exceptional. This brings up issues of shame, not fitting in, etc.
Yet, healing begins with an honest appraisal of the situation; you have done that. I have done so, as well, starting in my early 20s and continuing on. I am 66, so I am a little older than you. What "saved" me when young was books, later literature, writing and then therapy. Lots of it. Just talking. And a few good friends.
You mention "The Living Years" by Mike & the Mechanics. I remember hearing it for the first time, back in early 1989, I think. I was driving, the song came on the radio. I had to pull over and park. My dad had died in 1980, from cancer. I sat there and tears came streaming down my face.
Yeah, that is one powerful and personal song. Another is by Luba, "Everytime I See Your Pictute" (1984).
really powerful what you two are sharing here. My pops passed away in May after a long battle with Alzheimers. Last 5 years actually were the best times we ever shared thanks to the disease. That sounds weird to say, but it really chilled him out a lot. Seeing your letters touches my heart and I look forward to being a part of your family in this digitally connected way. Peace
I am finally getting a chance to read all of these letters and I feel blessed to do so. Thank you both for your honesty and willingness to share your stories with all of us. There is plenty of trauma in my family of origin, and I see it carrying on into the next generation with some of the children and grandchildren. I am moved especially by this quote "We have to be strong enough to realize how weak we are, once we accept that we become strong enough to begin standing on our own confident in who we are." Very wise words!! And indeed, much work to be done for many of us, myself included. Thank you, I am enjoying and learning much!