Excellent! Very insightful. I agree with so many of your points. I think sometimes people, like your pop pop, focus their energy on building up their physical “outside” self because a) as you say, the internal world is too scary because they don’t believe they’ll find anything good there, and b) they at least get some positive feedback from being physically strong and successful in athletics or fighting or whatever. I’ve noticed that often people work on either their inner life or their outer life, maybe because they feel that is the part they have the ability to be strong in.
I’m so glad you’re having (and sharing) this conversation. I think it’s such an important one to have. And I agree that courage—and encouragement—could go a long way toward fixing this broken world.
Erika I think you're right. My Grandfather basically thrived in anything and everything physical for his entire life. He has records for shot put at his high school that still stand to this day if I'm not mistaken. I mean, this was like 60-70 years ago that he made these records. He was always kind of a freak of nature, haha. So yeah, it makes sense that he worked so hard on his outer life when this was the part of him that always made him feel like he had value, I suppose.
I appreciate how you’ve woven in the stories about your family here. And you’re absolutely right that too many people live in fear. Without the courage of their convictions. Unable (or unwilling) to simply say “I’m sorry” or “I love you”. Thanks for writing this one, Tom :)
Tom, this is such a beautiful letter! Courage is something I struggle with too, but I am aware of it and have made a decision to face my fears more and more. I can’t say it’s easy - it’s absolutely not. But a cancer diagnosis has also made me rethink how I live my life, and how I want to look back on it. Speaking up and speaking out are for me some of the hardest things to do, but the more I confront those feelings of resistance and do it anyway, the easier it gets. And the internal rewards make it worth the discomfort. It is so important. I think your grandpa found peace when he let go of his resistance on his deathbed and showed you the love he had been afraid to show all his life.
You're right, Serena. Our darkest moments are our greatest teachers. I have massive problems with speaking up and speaking out as well, which is why I like writing so much. I don't get to see anybody's face as I write to a blank screen, and nobody gets to interrupt my thought process or check their phone because they are bored. Nevertheless, I need to work on that part of myself little by little through exposure. Thank you so much for commenting.
Yes - to be able to express yourself without interruptions is so important. You have the time and space to form your thoughts before sharing them. And in so doing, your thoughts become clearer.
For many people, the simple act of saying thank you is difficult, the act of loving a high insurmountable mountain. It is fear that tells the person that saying I Iove you and acting with love will not be accepted.
The words and actions will be rejected, just as it was when that hurt (and now angry) person was as a little kid. Heartbreaking. Memories hold.
Sure, it is true that upbringing can also be an obstacle, but one has a choice not to remain a victim. As an adult, one has to work hard and with courage and conviction to not only undo the harm inflicted when a child, but also form new ways of thinking and acting. Yes, this will take years, since healing can't happen overnight.
Jon Bernthal had a podcast interview with Shia LaBeouf a few years ago. One thing that Jon said to Shia was incredibly impactful on me. He said something like "I remember saying to myself when I first met you, Shia, that I'm going to show him what a good friend looks like." The implication being that most people don't know how to be a really good friend to someone. I feel like a lot of us just use friendship to feel love and support instead of to love someone else. How many true friends are there that would be there for us through the darkest of times and listen when we needed them? Jon doing that interview with Shia in the first place after all of his problems is kind of proof of just how far he was willing to go in the name of friendship. I wonder how many of us in our friendships actually get vulnerable enough to show and receive real love with someone else?
Such no-judgments friendships are rare. But it seems in these days of social media, society has to relearn the importance of friendships, in particular males. Societal alienation is at high levels.
This letter really is wonderful. I am so hard on myself even now, but I feel like if I could accept my weaknesses, I’d give myself more of a break. I’m going to at least try it. Thank you for getting so honest with us.
Glenna, like Lisa said in her comment down below, I feel like if I could be more okay with being vulnerable in my friendships, I'd probably see the quality of them improve. I used to be really open with people in the past, but I lost a little bit of that courage I think.
Surrendering to love does take courage. You have to relinquish some status and power. You have to open yourself up and be vulnerable. If you haven't seen and experienced that yourself as a child then it must be much harder to do. Just surviving is probably hard enough. Thank you for sharing some of your family's experience.
This is the first I have read, your writing! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Sidenote, you were the second person to mention the show the bear! We own a small restaurant and definitely going to have to put this on my watchlist. Thank you for your insight on courage. I too dream of being part of seeing our broken world healed! It could happen❤️
Excellent! Very insightful. I agree with so many of your points. I think sometimes people, like your pop pop, focus their energy on building up their physical “outside” self because a) as you say, the internal world is too scary because they don’t believe they’ll find anything good there, and b) they at least get some positive feedback from being physically strong and successful in athletics or fighting or whatever. I’ve noticed that often people work on either their inner life or their outer life, maybe because they feel that is the part they have the ability to be strong in.
I’m so glad you’re having (and sharing) this conversation. I think it’s such an important one to have. And I agree that courage—and encouragement—could go a long way toward fixing this broken world.
Erika I think you're right. My Grandfather basically thrived in anything and everything physical for his entire life. He has records for shot put at his high school that still stand to this day if I'm not mistaken. I mean, this was like 60-70 years ago that he made these records. He was always kind of a freak of nature, haha. So yeah, it makes sense that he worked so hard on his outer life when this was the part of him that always made him feel like he had value, I suppose.
I appreciate how you’ve woven in the stories about your family here. And you’re absolutely right that too many people live in fear. Without the courage of their convictions. Unable (or unwilling) to simply say “I’m sorry” or “I love you”. Thanks for writing this one, Tom :)
Thanks Nick for checking this out. 🥹
Tom, this is such a beautiful letter! Courage is something I struggle with too, but I am aware of it and have made a decision to face my fears more and more. I can’t say it’s easy - it’s absolutely not. But a cancer diagnosis has also made me rethink how I live my life, and how I want to look back on it. Speaking up and speaking out are for me some of the hardest things to do, but the more I confront those feelings of resistance and do it anyway, the easier it gets. And the internal rewards make it worth the discomfort. It is so important. I think your grandpa found peace when he let go of his resistance on his deathbed and showed you the love he had been afraid to show all his life.
You're right, Serena. Our darkest moments are our greatest teachers. I have massive problems with speaking up and speaking out as well, which is why I like writing so much. I don't get to see anybody's face as I write to a blank screen, and nobody gets to interrupt my thought process or check their phone because they are bored. Nevertheless, I need to work on that part of myself little by little through exposure. Thank you so much for commenting.
Yes - to be able to express yourself without interruptions is so important. You have the time and space to form your thoughts before sharing them. And in so doing, your thoughts become clearer.
For many people, the simple act of saying thank you is difficult, the act of loving a high insurmountable mountain. It is fear that tells the person that saying I Iove you and acting with love will not be accepted.
The words and actions will be rejected, just as it was when that hurt (and now angry) person was as a little kid. Heartbreaking. Memories hold.
Sure, it is true that upbringing can also be an obstacle, but one has a choice not to remain a victim. As an adult, one has to work hard and with courage and conviction to not only undo the harm inflicted when a child, but also form new ways of thinking and acting. Yes, this will take years, since healing can't happen overnight.
Jon Bernthal had a podcast interview with Shia LaBeouf a few years ago. One thing that Jon said to Shia was incredibly impactful on me. He said something like "I remember saying to myself when I first met you, Shia, that I'm going to show him what a good friend looks like." The implication being that most people don't know how to be a really good friend to someone. I feel like a lot of us just use friendship to feel love and support instead of to love someone else. How many true friends are there that would be there for us through the darkest of times and listen when we needed them? Jon doing that interview with Shia in the first place after all of his problems is kind of proof of just how far he was willing to go in the name of friendship. I wonder how many of us in our friendships actually get vulnerable enough to show and receive real love with someone else?
Such no-judgments friendships are rare. But it seems in these days of social media, society has to relearn the importance of friendships, in particular males. Societal alienation is at high levels.
This letter really is wonderful. I am so hard on myself even now, but I feel like if I could accept my weaknesses, I’d give myself more of a break. I’m going to at least try it. Thank you for getting so honest with us.
Glenna, like Lisa said in her comment down below, I feel like if I could be more okay with being vulnerable in my friendships, I'd probably see the quality of them improve. I used to be really open with people in the past, but I lost a little bit of that courage I think.
Surrendering to love does take courage. You have to relinquish some status and power. You have to open yourself up and be vulnerable. If you haven't seen and experienced that yourself as a child then it must be much harder to do. Just surviving is probably hard enough. Thank you for sharing some of your family's experience.
Thank you, Lisa. I agree totally. I hope my Dad reads this. It will probably give him some great ideas for his response. :)
This is the first I have read, your writing! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Sidenote, you were the second person to mention the show the bear! We own a small restaurant and definitely going to have to put this on my watchlist. Thank you for your insight on courage. I too dream of being part of seeing our broken world healed! It could happen❤️
Deep yet very honest. We can't be afraid of love, it indeed makes a world of difference. Thank you Tom!
Wow, I felt the emotion go through my body and cried a little bit. Thanks for this amazing piece of writing ❤️.
Nice, I agree with your points. Anyway, your writings are damn awesome.