My best friend is my brother, and I'm lucky

Letter #17

“He’s your best friend.”

My wife told me that the other day. I couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement because she said it in a quasi-inquisitive tone.

She was talking about my brother.

I sat back and thought about it for a few seconds and realized the truth.

She was right.

My brother, right now, is my best friend.

You know, I recall the times when me and Rob would get mad at each other as kids and Mom would settle us down and say something like:

“What’s a matter with you? Don’t you know your father would’ve given an arm to have a brother?!”

I remember discovering the magic of home video cameras and asking Rob every weekend to shoot a movie idea I had.

At first he looked at me like ‘Come on, man, I just want to enjoy my Saturday.’

Then a sigh would come.

Then he’d say yes.

He did that over and over again as kids. He was always a big servant.

Another memory I have is of when we were locked in an epic battle to get the high score on ‘Sweet Child of Mine’ on Guitar Hero 2. Dad, this was more epic than Frazier vs. Ali.

I remember for weeks we’d battle each other to get the high score on this song. It got to a point where if I made a mistake at ANY moment in the first 60 seconds, I had to start over because I knew my score wouldn’t be high enough.

I’d get the high score. I’d tell him. Then he’d go up and play for 2-3 hours to get the high score, which he did, then we’d repeat the process.

We must’ve spent literal weeks of our lives trying to get that blasted high score.

He won. I huffed and I puffed and I couldn’t beat his high score.

It pissed me off so much that he beat me.

Like, just knowing that he knew that I knew that he owned me made my blood boil.

In church I remember we’d play this game where we’d literally tap each other’s shoes. Like tag. Whoever got the last tap won. We were just absolutely ridiculous.

Looking back now I realize I was kind of a jerk to him a lot.

So, back to my wife’s weird statement/question.

Yes, Rob is my best friend.

Every 3-4 days we get on Playstation together and play for a few hours. It sounds really dumb that playing video games is the center of our friendship, but it couldn’t be a more vibrant experience for both of us.

It seems all we do in those few hours is laugh.

Just ask Tammy (or Dalia).

Normally some kind of alcoholic beverage is involved.

Normally we rocket out of our seats and fist pump the air whenever we secure a win. When that happens, my entire building here in Mexico gets to hear someone shouting in English for 10 seconds.

I’m just a wonderful American example to these kind Mexicans, aren’t I?

Our late-night games have been going on for five years now. I bought an Xbox in the Philippines and for a time I had to play at 8 AM my time to catch him at 8 PM his time. Sometimes I played on work days.

We’re just two dudes playing video games while eating chips and drinking beer.

It doesn’t sound all that sophisticated, does it?

Well, this is something men do. We sit and play games and say stupid crap to get each other to laugh. And while we might not talk much about the problems we’re going through, that’s not the point.

The point is to escape from those problems for a few hours. The point is to be 100% yourself and 100% comfortable with someone you trust completely.

That’s my brother.

In the hierarchy of relationships, one amongst brothers demands a spot at the tip-top right next to spouses and parents.

We’re talking the inner circle of the inner circle here. I’m talking about someone who’s known me my whole life. I just turned 31, and the people who have been there with me my whole life are very special to me.

I’ve learned just how sweet a relationship of 25+ years really is. That’s why I love my other best friend, Steve. Him and I have known each other for 18+ years now.

A lot of times I feel lonely here in Mexico City. It’s hard being a workaholic freak who doesn’t really do much besides sit and write all day.

Rob has helped me feel less alone in this world, which has been a blessing because the last few years haven’t been easy. For some reason I think about how fast my life is passing me by—even now. I know I’m still young, but then again I’ll never be in my 20’s again.

I’m seeing Rob have kids. I’m seeing work weigh on him. I’m seeing him go through things I’ve already gone through while also bravely stepping into new experiences I haven’t had yet. He got married before me. He had kids before me.

I don’t see Rob as a little brother anymore. I see him as a man that I look up to. I guess a part of me mourns being an older brother. But part of me is also very proud of him. Somewhere along the way he passed me by on the highway of life, but he still makes time to get in the same car as me every few days—even just to play some dumb video games together.

The fact he didn’t forget about me means a lot to me.

The fact that he still makes time to talk to me in the overwhelming busyness that is having a full-time job and two kids makes me feel incredibly valued.

And a part of me wonders just how many days I have left of being able to play some dumb video games with him before the responsibilities and joys of being a parent overtake our time together.

And I see now that Rob has two boys. Miraculously.

I can only hope that Elijah and Joseph have a relationship like me and Rob have. I know Rob and Tammy will foster that well.

I’ve even thought about how many kids I want to have one day. I think it would be a tragedy to only have one—to deprive my child of what it feels like to have a sibling.

I see it with Dalia and her siblings. I see the sisterhood she shares with her sister and the brotherhood she shares with her brother. It’s a beautiful thing.

How lucky and am I to call my brother my best friend?

And to watch him grow up from my younger brother to an adult that I look at as my equal?

I can see why you would’ve given your right arm for a brother, Dad.

Thanks for giving me that gift.